Religion

Domestic Abuse Health Help Religion Uncategorized

5 Barriers to Healing

Getting over the experiences that have harmed our lives requires healing. Yet, (though our bodies might heal from physical injuries) healing from emotional damage isn’t always automatic. We have to make a choice to heal. When we make the choice to emotionally heal, we might be faced with barriers that stop us from achieving that end. It seems that when we move one step forward, we find ourselves sliding two steps backward. Why? Because those barriers hold us back. This article will discuss the five barriers that need to be removed before we can start our healing process.

As Christians, we can find in the scriptures compelling stories that can help us see those obstacles that stop us from changing, and then show us how to overcome them. From my own experience, the stories of the people in the scriptures were instrumental in helping me to see what I needed to change on my journey to heal from abuse.

I am going to focus on Christian women, but this lesson can be applied to anyone, even nonreligious people, who have experienced any type of abuse or any stressful life events. Most of our barriers are within ourselves. I will describe our self-imposed barriers that need to be changed by examining the story of the Healing at the Pool.

Afterward, Jesus returned to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish holy days. Inside the city, near the Sheep Gate, was the pool of Bethesda, with five covered porches. Crowds of sick people—blind, lame, or paralyzed—lay on the porches. One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”

“I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”

Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” Instantly, the man was healed! He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking! (John 5:1–9, NLT)

Let us now look at the five barriers that the sick man had to overcome, and how they can be applied to our own personal healing journey.

Barrier 1: Lack of motivation

What do I mean by a lack of motivation? The man in the story had a condition that required a change. He had been sick for thirty-eight years! He wanted to be healed. He knew where to get his healing and was in the right place, but he couldn’t do what was needed to receive the cure, which was to get into the pool. Yes, his disability was a barrier that made it difficult to get into the pool. Yet I can’t help thinking that, with enough determination, he could have pulled himself to the edge of the pool and waited for the water to bubble. The act may have required a lot of physical and emotional effort and might even have been painful, but it would have been worth it.

Maybe he did try. But at some point, he must have given up, because he didn’t receive his healing. When Jesus asked him, “Would you like to get well?” his lack of motivation was evident when he responded with, “I can’t.” He had lost all hope of getting well.

As survivors of abuse, how can we relate to this story? I know I can. Admitting to others and accepting that I was an abused woman was painful. People will look down on you and blame you for the failure of the relationship were thoughts that flooded my mind. They wouldn’t believe your story and will think that you are trying to damage your husband’s name. These thoughts became barriers that made it difficult to try to seek help. As a result, I had to get rid of my self-imposed barriers before I could start my healing process.

Healing will require a lot of physical, emotional, and spiritual effort. Some of you will have to relive the past and talk about the abuse. It might re-open old wounds that you thought had healed long ago. Talking about your abuse might bring to the surface the shame and embarrassment that you are not ready to face. You might have tried and failed to change your situation, and now it seems a voice is whispering in your ear, “It’s no use trying.” As you reflect on these difficulties you might even despair of trying or lose what little incentive you had to try.

Barrier 2: No plan

Back to the sick man in the story. I often wonder if he had a plan. He had found ways to eat, sleep, and take care of himself physically, so why didn’t he have a plan to get in the pool? Maybe he did have a plan and it didn’t work. But from his conversation with Jesus, it appeared that he had given up thinking about it.

Leaving your abusive relationship means having a plan. That plan could include a safety plan, a list of financial resources, legal support, and support from others. Likewise, healing requires a plan.

To heal you must have a plan for coping with the psychological effects of the abuse. That could mean seeking help from others, in addition to giving yourself emotional and physical self-care. You have to learn to recognize and refute to the lies that you have been told about yourself and the abuse.

As Christians, we can apply the scriptures to expose these lies. If you are struggling with your faith, you might need to ask others to help you understand God’s character and embrace his promises so that you can be empowered with his strength so that you can remove your barriers as you seek healing.

Professional counseling is part of the plan. I believe that counseling in conjunction with the scriptures is essential. Some might think that praying is enough, and therefore not bother with professional counseling. Yes, it is important that you pray regularly, but counseling could be part of God’s answer to your prayers.

Another part of the healing plan could be participating in support groups to encourage and empower you to realize that you are not alone and that other women like you have freed themselves from abuse.

Barrier 3: Making excuses

The man in the story made excuses when Jesus asked him, “Would you like to get well?” He responded, “I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.” The man didn’t take responsibility for his inaction.

What about you? You cannot blame others for keeping you in your abusive relationship. Perhaps you did receive well-meaning but faulty advice from the church, or from professionals, or friends and family to stay in your relationship. Yes, they were in error, but you have to acknowledge that you accepted their bad advice and are ultimately responsible for following it.

You are responsible for seeking change and healing from abuse. Don’t expect someone to come to your physical and emotional rescue. You cannot expect others to reach out to you; you have to reach out to them.

Barrier 4: Fear

Maybe the man in the story feared for his physical safety; maybe he was afraid of getting mishandled by others. He may also have been afraid to heal. Healing would have required him to change the way he had been living for the past thirty-eight years. He would have to learn to take care of himself and work for a living.

Fear is the number one reason why people stay in abusive relationships. Most of our fears are legitimate, like fear for our safety and the safety of our children, or lack of financial resources and support from others. But I do believe that some of us might fear change because it will force us to leave our familiar way of life. Fear of the unknown or even the unfamiliar can prevent you from moving forward to heal.

Barrier 5: Not seeking help

His response to Jesus, when asked if he wanted to be well, was, “I have no one to put me in the pool.” As I mentioned before, he didn’t have a plan, but he was surrounded by people at the pool. Couldn’t he have asked one of them for help? It’s worth noting that he did not even ask Jesus for help! Jesus had to come to him.

Many women, including me, find it difficult to ask others for help. Most women who are in or have recently left their abusive relationship can’t solve the problems associated with the abuse alone. You need the support and resources of others to help you change your situation. Your family, community, and church all have their part in helping you change and heal. Healing cannot be done alone.

Overcoming the barriers

Let’s look at Jesus’ response again. He told the man to “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” In other words, do something! He didn’t waste time talking about all the man’s sins or bring up his past failures or try to make him feel that he wasn’t doing enough to get well. He knew all the barriers that kept the man from healing. Yet he placed the choice for healing in the man’s hands, by asking him if he wanted to get well. The man’s desire to heal had to be so strong that it overcame all the barriers that he had.

I believe that Jesus not only took care of the man’s physical needs, but he also attended to his emotional needs. By giving the man the confidence to overcome his fear and doubts, Jesus made him believe that he could walk, and thereby find the inner strength to stand up by himself.

What about you? You also have the choice to heal. Jesus is not going to bring up your lack of motivation or listen to your excuses. But like the man in the story, you have to trust that you can overcome every barrier that stops you from moving forward to heal. But remember, you have to reach out to others who might offer you a helping hand. The key here is that your desire to heal has to be so strong that it will overpower your pain and fear of failure. Then you can take that leap of faith by knowing that Jesus will be with you along your way.

The content of this blog is adapted from my book, A Path to Hope: Restoring the Spirit of the Abused Christian Woman

How to Feel Better -Jodi Aman

Share this:

January 8, 2020 0 comment

Domestic Abuse Health Religion

Self-reflection: The First Step to Healing

written by Rose Saad

The first step to emotionally and spiritually heal from any harmful relationship requires self-reflection. Self-reflection involves examining how you got into and chose to stay in your relationship. For this blog, I will focus on domestic abusive relationships. And I will address some of the changes you might need to make as you seek healing.

When I talk about self-reflection, I am talking about discovering how your partner’s abusive actions affected your emotional and spiritual well-being. I am not talking about taking the blame for what your abuser did. You are never responsible for someone else’s actions. But your responsibility is to understand what happened and what you did about it.

You can start by asking yourself, how did I get into this mess? I believe that when we self-reflect and try to answer that question, we will discover things that we might need to address as we seek healing. I will attempt to answer that question and suggest some things you can do to change and heal.

Self-reflection: How did I get into this mess?

Love

Yes, love is the number one reason why we stay in an abusive relationship. Most people I know married for love. I certainly did! But I think my concept of love wasn’t as clear as I thought it was. It was influenced by others’ perceptions of who I was and was performance-based. The truth was, I didn’t love who I was or saw myself as important, due to past experiences in my childhood and teenage years. In addition to those experiences, my parents weren’t around to nurture my sense of self-worth. This led to a faulty concept of love which made it difficult to tell the difference between healthy love versus sick love.

Love in an abusive relationship means one person does all the giving and the other person does all the taking. Once you realize that fact, you can change your unhealthy concept of love and replace it with healthy love. As Christians, we don’t have to look too far because Christ demonstrated what healthy love is.

Fear

We can’t move forward without addressing fear. Fear is what keeps us frozen and unable to seek change. Although fear is healthy if it keeps us out of danger, some of our fears are irrational. For me, I feared my husband’s wrath more than God’s wrath. You might ask, how so? I mean that I wasn’t afraid to break God’s commandments, such as lying to please Xavier or covering up for his abuse; in other words, I was more fearful of what my husband would do if I didn’t follow his wishes. Some of us fear our families, or what the church might say when we speak the truth. We let our fears stop us from seeking change.

We can’t let fear stop us from doing what we must do to change our abusive situation. If we’re ever going to move forward, we have to face up to our fears and realize that the alternative may be worse.

Shame/Embarrassment

As we self-reflect, I think shame is second only to fear in preventing us from seeking help. Shame is inwardly self-inflicted. Shame tells you that you are unimportant, or don’t deserve any sympathy because you made some bad choices. Embarrassment, on the other hand, is being affected by what other people think. Both are damaging to one’s sense of self.

I believe that educated women who are accustomed to being in control or who can access the resources to end the abuse are at more risk of letting shame and embarrassment stop them from seeking help. I know friends who have left their abusive relationships but haven’t started the process of healing from “domestic abuse” because they weren’t ready to accept the fact that they were victims. Accepting that fact will mean having to face their shame.

Confronting our shame in a safe environment will help us to overcome it so that we can move forward to freedom from abuse.

Anger

Self-reflection will help us uncover our anger, which is required to heal. Self-reflection means asking questions like, “Why didn’t I leave early?” and “I can’t believe I let him treat me that way, and why didn’t I do something?” These types of questions may produce anger and regret. Anger itself is not bad. Anger allowed me to take back some of my power; for instance, I refused to have a joint bank account so that I could have control of my money.

But the thing about anger is, if you stay in that state, you will become resentful and bitter. We have to make a conscious effort to use anger only for positive change and not let it control our lives

Trust

Abuse can cripple our sense of trust. It hampers our ability to trust ourselves and even God. I know of a woman who was angry with God for allowing her abuser to get off without any consequences. Mentioning God will send her into tears, and her resentment will be obvious in her face. She didn’t trust God anymore.

But I believe we have to retain our trust in God so that we can trust ourselves. Also, we have to understand what trust means.

I am glad the scriptures don’t command us to trust everyone who says, “I’m sorry.” Regardless, some of us were urged by others to trust our abuser when he said he was sorry without showing any signs of meaning it.

Even though I have forgiven my abuser, that doesn’t mean I have to trust him. I had to realize that I am not required to trust him even if he apologizes or shows tearful remorse. Trust is earned, and he would have to demonstrate that he deserves my trust. There was no time limit attached to the acceptance of my trust in him. I had to be okay with that choice.

As we seek healing, our priority should be learning to trust God and to trust ourselves. Trust that we have the power within ourselves to change our situation. In addition, trusting our abusers is not based on what others want from us.

Forgiveness

I think our greatest challenge as we self-reflect is learning to forgive. We can spend hours on this topic. Forgiveness is the key to healing. Here, I am talking about self-forgiveness. For most of us, it is easier to forgive others than ourselves.

It was difficult to forgive myself. Why did I allow his abuse to happen for so long? Why did I expose my children to an environment that was damaging their emotional health? My responses to these questions produced anger that I had to confront and let go of.

If we don’t forgive ourselves, abuse will continue to control us. I believe the key to self-forgiveness is understanding God’s grace. It is easier to extend grace to others than to ourselves. For me, extending grace to myself means that I am not taking responsibility for my actions, nor am I taking advantage of God’s kindness. But if we don’t extend grace to ourselves, we are not allowing the scriptures’ power to change us.

In conclusion, we have to realize that the scriptures have the power to heal us. But we must still do the work that is required to heal. Self-reflection will help us identify areas that we can address as we seek healing. I pray that when you self-reflect, God will grant you the knowledge to change the areas in your life that need his healing.

The content of this blog is adapted from my book, A Path to Hope: Restoring the Spirit of the Abused Christian Woman.

Share this:

November 26, 2019 2 comments

Help Religion Uncategorized

Domestic Abuse: How to Reclaim Yourself

written by Rose Saad

In my previous blog, Domestic Abuse: The Transformation Process, I stated that the impact of the abuse is subtle and that it takes time to recognize that the abuse has changed who you are as a person. Yet some of these changes are obvious to others. I will list how to tell that you have been transformed and how to reclaim yourself.

You may recognize that something is missing and sense that something about you has changed. You might not like the person you have become, however you are not aware of your loss. You may recognize that your thinking process has altered, yet you might not be aware of changes to your self-esteem.

Signs and Symptoms That You Have Transformed

If you experienced any of these signs, you mostly have been transformed.

You know something is wrong, but you can’t figure it out
You isolate yourself because you feel embarrassed about yourself
You accept his excuses for his actions
You accept responsibility for his action and take the blame
You deny that any abuse is happening
You don’t trust yourself to make decisions
You rely on your abuser to do all the thinking
You live in shame and humiliation
You believe that you are the problem
You second-guess yourself
You feel confused and disoriented about his behaviors
You are unsure about your recollection of events at home
You are consumed by thoughts about the abuse and how to stop it
You feel that you are losing your mind
Fear consumes your day-to-day activities
You feel powerless to change the situation
You are easily anxious and irritable
You are afraid to voice your opinion
You feel emotionally fatigued and physically drained
You feel emotionally numb
You lack interest in activities that you once loved

As a result of these signs and symptoms, your self-image is profoundly damaged. To put it another way, it is almost like a “death of self.” This state of mind can lead to feelings of hopelessness and make you believe that you don’t have the power to get help. The good news is that there is always hope for change.

Reclaiming yourself

Awareness that the abuse has changed you is the first step to recovery. Reclaiming yourself can be difficult, and it will take time and effort to do it. Here are some of the actions you might have to take to reclaim who you were before the abuse.

Remove yourself from your abusive environment
Seek professional help
Pray and meditate to strengthen your spiritual self
Be kind, patient, compassionate and empathetic toward yourself
Forgive yourself
Tell your story in a safe place; it is your truth and it will help to set you free
Celebrate your survival, especially if you were able to break free
Love yourself by engaging in activities to promote wellness like exercising, eating right, and finding time to relax
Reconnect with people who love and care about you
Join a community of support to meet your physical and emotional needs
Attend a support group with people who have experienced domestic abuse
Engage in activities you enjoy, or consider new activities
Set healthy boundaries
Regain your voice by telling others what you need and want
Combat your negative thoughts with positive thoughts
Take responsibility for your actions and let go of things that you cannot control
Focus on your strengths
Volunteer to help other survivors of abuse
Grieve and let go of your sense of loss
Journal about your transformational journey

You can overcome any difficulty

As you journey through the stages of regaining the person you were before the abuse, remind yourself that you are strong and can overcome any difficulty. Surviving abuse is evidence that you have the power to find yourself again. Hold on to your faith. Embrace God’s love because it has the power to set you free. The abuse was never a part of God’s plan for your life. So, move forward and be the wonderful person that God wants you to be.

Check out these links for more on self-care:

The Importance of Self-Care

Self-care

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/lists/self-care-strategies?q=0#list-scroll

* https://images.app.goo.gl/Tmb1VihZC3twpXwt7

Share this:

July 3, 2019 3 comments

Domestic Abuse Religion

Domestic Abuse: The Transformation Process

written by Rose Saad

Have you ever wondered how your abusive relationship changes you? Domestic abuse often has a profound impact on an individual’s self-esteem and self-worth. It changes the entire set of values and morals that embodies who you are. A transformation occurs that isn’t always easy to spot.

I am using the word transformation because there’s a change from who you were before the relationship to who you are after the abuse. And there is a series of steps in which the abuser attempts to change your inner self, your “soul,” so that he can have complete control over your thoughts, your actions, and your behaviors.

As survivors, we need to understand how our abusers influence our transformation process. When we know about the techniques or tactics they use, we can then figure out how to stop the process and reclaim our true selves.

For this blog, we will look at how our abusers create an environment that fosters our transformation process.

Grooming

It starts with grooming. Grooming is a deliberate attempt by an abuser to persuade you to do what he wishes*. He engages in behaviors that make you believe that he is doing what’s best for you. He showers you with attention. He tells you that you’re the right woman for him, his soulmate. He spends all his time with you. He’s kind, gentle, and thoughtful. He tries to meet all your physical and emotional needs. He might fix things around the house or cook dinner.

All these behaviors are meant to draw you into building an emotional connection so you can trust him. His grooming tactics in the early phase of the relationship are used to soften you into later compliance. Grooming makes you vulnerable and makes it easy to tolerate abuse because you have come to believe that he is a good person.

You might say grooming is showing affection for someone you care about, but when the intention for the behaviors is to manipulate that person for control, then grooming becomes abusive. If we pay close attention, grooming can be a red flag. If something is too good to be true, then it usually is.

Social isolation

Next comes social isolation. Its primary purpose is to cut off your support systems so that you depend solely on him. One of the techniques he may use is to create distrust between you and your family, friends, or community resources. As a result, he becomes the primary source for your physical and psychological support.

The following story from my blog at, https://www.rosesaad.com/wish-knew-know-now-understanding-abuse/ illustrates how my former husband socially isolated me:

In the early phase of our relationship, Xavier created an environment of distrust. For example, he would make comments like, “You can’t trust anyone” or “They’re out to get you.” This suspicion included the people we knew. According to him, my female friends were “hitting on him” and couldn’t be trusted. When they came to visit, he was cold toward them; he ignored them or would even leave the house. As a result, they felt uncomfortable and stopped visiting.

Even though he did not want me to trust others, he expected me to trust him. To create that trust, he said it was essential that we have no secrets from each other. He wanted to know about my childhood and past relationships. He would tell of a few of his encounter with his old girlfriends to lure me into sharing details of my previous sexual encounters.

The purpose of this type of communication is not only to isolate you but also to use your private sexual history as confirmation that you are morally loose. He can later use it to attack your self-esteem, which aids the transformation process.

Creating Doubt / Emotional Abuse

The next phase is creating doubt. The communication process becomes a tool for gaslighting. What your abuser says is not what he wants. What he says and what he means are totally different things. His actions don’t match his words. The aim here is to create confusion and disorientation so that it becomes easy for him to control you. Tactics used to gaslight include projection, which is when he shifts his behaviors on to you. For example, he might accuse you of cheating on him, when in reality he’s the one doing the cheating. Or he’ll call you a liar when he is the one lying. Other ways he can degrade your self-esteem are attacking what you are good at. For instance, if you are good at your job, he will find issues with it. He might remark that you are wasting your time with that job.

Most survivors are not aware of gaslighting. I didn’t know what the term meant at the time, but when I look back, I can see so many episodes in the relationship that were a clear case of gaslighting. For example, when he made a cruel joke or an insensitive remark, and I responded with, “I don’t like that,” his reply was that I was too sensitive or overreacting. Over time I started to believe that maybe he was right, maybe I really was too sensitive.

The overall purpose of these behaviors is to sow confusion within yourself, which makes it easy to accept his version of reality.

Intimidation and Threats / Physical Abuse

See the Power and Control Wheel for types of tactics use by abusers. The reason for these behaviors is to seal in compliance so that he can gain full control. Different abusers may use different methods, but the end goal is the same, which is power and control. The particular tactics used depends upon the abuser’s personality or what has worked for him in the past.

Over time, all these abusive tactics change the survivor. Her reality diminishes, and she accepts his reality as the truth about who she is. Her values of right and wrong are squashed, to be replaced by his version. When she realizes his abusive behaviors have transformed her, she feels helpless to change her situation. In my next blog, I will discuss how to tell that you have been transformed and how to reclaim yourself.

*How He Gets into Her Head by Don Hennessy

Share this:

June 14, 2019 0 comment

Religion

God’s Splendor in His Creation

written by Rose Saad

My recent travels evoke a desire to share God’s splendor in his creation as seen through the pictures I took. The trip to Tilghman Island, MD and now Kona, Hawaii, have both reinforced my faith. Check out my article, Mental Health Rest, for the story of my trip to Tilghman. Now I would like to share how I saw God’s splendor in some of my snapshots of Kona.

God’s Splendor in the Sky

I can’t seem to let go of 2 AM, my second night in Kona. I woke up and had an urge to look through the windows. I lifted the blinds to see outside and found myself standing frozen in awe. Literally, I saw what appeared to be billions of stars of different sizes and brilliances! Their sparkling light show filled the entire sky. I have never in my whole life, except in the movies, seen so many stars clustered together. I ran for my iPhone and 50D Canon camera and attempted to take a picture, but to no avail. No camera could do it justice! All I could do was stand and marvel at how awe-inspiring God is.

Since I was unable to capture what I saw, I am sharing a picture taken from Keck Observatory by Andrew Richard Hara.

Keck Observatory, taken by Andrew Richard Hara

In Exodus 15:11 it states, “Who is like you among the gods, O LORD—glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders?” (NLT). His splendor was in the stars. The heavens proclaim his glory and “the skies display his craftsmanship” (Psalm 19:1, NLT). The sky that night definitely displayed his artistry and left me with an experience I will always remember.

God’s Splendor in the Sunsets

As I said earlier, I wrote an article about my visit to Tilghman Island and the magnificent sunrises and sunsets. But there is no comparison to the sunsets in Kona. I was blown away by what I saw. The exciting thing is that the beauty of the sunset wasn’t when the sun was visible. It was when it had sunk below the horizon and could no longer be seen. That is when the variations of the different colors come to life. At times they were not visible to the eye but could still be captured through the camera lens. Also, each beach had its unique presentation of colors. What more, not only did the ocean display the grand splendor of God’s sunsets, but the mountains did likewise. The radiance of the colors surrounding the mountains was a sight to behold.

God’s Splendor on the Mountain

The front of the house where I was staying faced Maunakea, a dormant volcanic mountain with an elevation of 14,000 feet. Maunakea hosts the Keck Observatory for studying the stars and is open to visitors. From my window, I could see the top of the mountain towering majestically over the clouds. Not only was it above the clouds, but the observatory was also visible. But what captivated my attention was the shadows of the clouds and the reflection of the sun when it hit the back of the mountain. When that happened, I could sense that something powerful was present.

God’s Splendor in Us

I cannot show you a picture, but I want you to consider this: like the skies, sunsets, and mountains, you too were created to be a part of God’s splendor. We are part of his handiwork as stated in Psalm 139:13-14: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (NIV).

To conclude, sometimes I forget how beautiful God’s creation is. But when I stop and focus on my surroundings and see nature doing its work, I am moved by the little details that God has woven together to display his magnificence. What about you?

Share this:

April 4, 2019 0 comment

Health Religion Uncategorized

Mental Health Rest: 3 Lessons Learned

written by Rose Saad

We take time off when we’re not feeling well, or we take a vacation to visit friends and family, but rarely we think about taking time away from home for a mental health rest. What I mean by this rest is to slow down our minds by being still in the moment. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know how to slow down. My mind is constantly busy. I can be in a room filled with people and yet not be aware of anyone because my mind is somewhere else. As a result, I decided one day to get away, to slow down my thoughts so I could focus on prayer and listen for wisdom from God. During my time away, I learned three valuable lessons.

Tilghman Island getaway

For my mental health rest, I chose Tilghman Island, Maryland, mainly due to the pictures I saw on the internet. Tilghman Island is about a two-and-a-half-hour drive from where I live and is located where the Choptank River meets the Chesapeake Bay. The island is literally where they connect. At the point of connection, there is a bed-and-breakfast called the Black Walnut Point Inn.

When I arrived, I admit, I wasn’t impressed by the inn and the surrounding landscape because the pictures on the Internet didn’t reflect the current environment. They had been taken mainly during the summer. The scene during my visit was of winter: cold, windy with no snow, and the flowers all gone. Furthermore, the inn is a historical site owned by the state. Most of the interior was built in 1847. Not much has changed, and the caretakers are not allowed to make any structural modifications. I personally prefer contemporary interior decor.

I soon changed my attitude when I realized the building wasn’t the reason why people chose the inn. It was the view! I was mesmerized by the sunrises and sunsets and overpowered by the colors I saw. There were pink and purple hues during dawn and yellows and reds at sunset. All I could do was stare at the sky.

Lesson 1: I can’t slow down until I explore my environment

Now let’s go back to the lessons learned. First, my brain has to immerse itself in my environment before it can slow down. There was so much beauty around me that my mind got distracted. I felt like a kid in a candy store who is excited to see the different kinds of candies and doesn’t want to leave until she has tried each flavor. My mind was so diverted that I couldn’t say which was the most important reason for my coming here. I had to see everything before I left.

Instead of slowing down mentally, I went into a picture-taking mode. All I wanted to do was find new things to take pictures off. I even decided to walk through the thick marsh to look for swans, even though I am terrified of snakes. I didn’t find any swans, but my new-found courage to walk through the swamp took me by surprise.

Lesson 2: Focus on the images that interest the mind

After exploring the area, I realized I needed to focus on one particular aspect of the place that captured my mind. For example, there were the sunrises and sunsets I’d mentioned earlier, but the most thought-provoking place was the site of a huge cross. The cross is at Black Walnut Point, the southernmost part of the island, where the Choptank River and the Chesapeake Bay come together. I don’t know, and I didn’t think to ask, why the cross was placed at that spot.

The merger of the Choptank River and Chesapeake Bay

I began to leave behind my hectic thoughts and enjoy the majestic splendor of God. Gratitude came alive. With a joyous heart, I started to thank God for being there, for allowing me to immerse myself among his magnificent works. With my grateful heart, I poured out my prayers and petitions to him as an overwhelming sense of calmness came over me.

Lesson 3: Be still to listen for God’s voice

As I stood still under the cross with the sunlight striking the left side of my face, and the river and bay before me I felt God telling me to pay attention to see how this moment, this image of the environment, related to my present life. It was an analogy for my life. Ahead of me was this body of water which represents all my fears. The fears of the unknown. Yes, I have a lot of unknowns in my life. The fear of rejection, failure, lack of confidence, the evils of the world and so forth—they all prevent me from moving forward and sometimes stop me from accepting God’s truths about my life.

The cross, on the other hand, represents love, forgiveness, hope, triumph, and the assurance that I am never alone. I am part of God’s family. Because of his Son’s suffering on the cross, I can conquer any difficulty.

The sunlight that was radiating over my face represented God’s light. A light so powerful that it can banish any darkness. A light that allows me to shine regardless of all the mistakes and messes I made of my life.

I felt God speaking to my heart and saying: Rose, because of the cross, you are with me. I have chosen you to shine. Step into my light. I know you’re fearful of what is ahead, just like this body of water. It looks enormous, but I am still greater. My light is greater than any darkness you have ever feared. I will help you overcome your fears and the obstacles that that block my light. What a rejuvenating mental health experience! But I had to keep still so that my senses could engage in that experience.

As I drove back home, I felt a sense of freedom listening to the below song, Step into the Light by Passion.

Step into the Light

Life bombards us with decisions that we have to make every day. It is important to find time to take a mental health rest to declutter our minds and listen for God’s voice. That might mean going away from our familiar environments. The lesson for all of us is that we can’t hear God speak to our hearts if we don’t slow down and keep still. Check out this link for scriptures about stillness and rest.

Share this:

February 25, 2019 2 comments

Religion Uncategorized

Why Gratitude Builds Faith

written by Rose Saad

I hesitated to share my self-reflection for 2018. But as I look back, I see that gratitude builds faith. Writing down what I am grateful for and recounting all the wonderful things Jesus has done for me has been a source of comfort and hope when I get stuck in life’s difficult challenges. Remembering what God has accomplished for my life renews my commitment to hold on to my faith as a Christian.

I want to share what I am thankful for as I enter into 2019. Frist, sharing fills my soul with gratitude and shuts out the negative voices that say that my efforts are not working. My mindset has always focused on the future—on what I should be doing and what I am not doing. As a result, I missed a few opportunities along the way. Some might say I missed the mark and got stuck in “what I should have done.”

Being grateful for what has already occurred validates that I am on the right track. It redirects me to look at the present to see what is already there rather than looking back at what should have been. It reminds me not to be discouraged and to continue with what I am doing. Sharing my successes not only strengthens my faith, but it might also help others to self-reflect and fill themselves with gratitude for what God is doing in their lives.

As I look back, a lot of great things have happened that I should be thankful for. I will list a few and will also share some of my hopes and dreams for 2019. First, I thank God for giving up his only son so that I could be a part of his family. It is in his family that I can receive his love and grace. I am very privileged to be in a church family that loves me for who I am and encourages me to keep making Jesus the Lord of my life. I am thankful for their love, their physical care, their spiritual and emotional support over the years.

I am thankful for my children. Their love for others and willingness to help others fill my heart with joy. They are navigating their path to discover who they are and who they are meant to be. It takes maturity to have the insight in knowing your strengths and limits and confronting the barriers to self-discovery. And that’s what they have been doing from an early age. I am very proud of who they are and who they will become. At times I feel guilty for pulling them into my world. I know I don’t have the power to protect them from the negativity I might encounter as a domestic violence advocate, but I am thankful for their support as I continue to walk this path.

The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” applies to my experience as a divorced and single mother taking care of three children. I am often asked, “How do you do it?” The answer is simple: I’m not doing it alone. Church family, in-laws, and biological relatives have all played a role. Today I want to thank the Bernards for standing in as my maternal family. (I am withholding first names to protect their privacy). To the Bernards, the Dennises, the Johnsons, and the Sirleafs, I thank God for giving you wisdom and compassion to provide, physical, emotional, and financial support for my family. As I reflect, you all have been a part of most of my adult life. I will always cherish the memories I make with you all as long as I live.

I am thankful for my book, A Path to Hope. To be honest, I have experienced a lot of discouragement due to difficulties in marketing the book. I didn’t write the book to make money, although an increase in sales would repay some of the hard work that was done to make the book a reality. At times I can get stuck in what should have happened with the book when I should be celebrating the little successes. For example, a few days ago I received an email from a reader who told me that my “blog and book was invaluable.” I was excited at first, but instead of rejoicing, my mind shifted to the “what should have been.” This 2019, I am going to embrace small successes like that because they help me break down the walls of negative thoughts that distract me from my goals.

I will strive to put into practice Zechariah 4:10 that states, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin” (New Living Translation). Yes, I will celebrate every little step because God rejoices when he sees that I am doing his work.

I am filled with gratitude for the Path to Hope first event in 2018, A Cry for Help. It was a very successful workshop! As I have stated in previous posts, my mission is to increase awareness of domestic violence and its effects on families and to share information about resources that can be used to help victims. That was the goal of the workshop, and I am pleased to say that it was achieved!

I will be organizing another workshop this year. This will be a small step towards my desire to create a non-profit to empower the lives of Christian women who have experienced domestic violence, through education, peer and spiritual support.

I am also excited to announce the first A Path to Hope support group will be launched in February! More information to come soon.

All these experiences reinforced that God is taking care of me and will continue to meet my needs. He will send the people and resources I need to keep doing his will. As I speak, he is actively sending emotional support as evidenced by new relationships on social media and though other contacts with people with the same passion and mission as mine. I am thankful for my new friendships.

This 2019, as I stated earlier, I am going to enjoy living in the moment, the now, and will celebrate every little success along the way as I walk the path that God has set for me. With a thankful heart, I can move mountains.

What about you? What are you grateful for? You probably have your own list of what God has done and is doing to help build your faith.

As Psalm 106:1 reminds us, “Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.”

Share this:

January 13, 2019 2 comments

Domestic Abuse Help Religion

A Path to Hope

written by Rose Saad

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?” Romans 8:24. I recently read this passage, and it hit home. It states that you hope for things that you don’t yet see—which is like praying for things you want to come to pass. When hope becomes reality, it ceases to be hope, nevertheless, we have to keep it alive.

As I reflect, my brain prefers the phrase, “I am hoping for” rather than “I am praying for.” Somehow the “hoping for” brings life. When I say these words, I can feel within me a positive level of energy and an assurance that change will come. “I am hoping for” keeps me confident and reassures me that I can achieve my goals and dreams. It also serves as a motivator to keep trying again when things don’t work out as I had expected. So, I decided to change from saying, “I am praying for” to “I am hoping for.”

What am I “hoping for?” They are too numerous to count! I hope that my children will succeed professionally, return to the foundation of their faith, take responsibility for their actions, marry godly people and serve the poor. I hope that I become an inspirational speaker to help empower abused women to change their lives. I hope to sell my book, A Path to Hope and create a nonprofit named after the book, to increase awareness of domestic violence and its effects on families, and to share information about strategies and resources that can be used to help victims of domestic violence. I hope that I can financially support myself and find a God-fearing man, one who is fun-loving and an encourager who genuinely loves me. My current hope is that my workshop, A Cry for Help, will make a difference and be the beginning of great things to come.

We all need hope. Without hope, life cannot go on. The good news here is, God wants each of us to be carriers of hope. Therefore, he made it clear how to get it and how to keep it alive. Now I will try to show you how to get it and keep it alive.

Hope comes from God

Romans 15:13 states, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”. I love this passage. It is used on the dedication page of my book and website banner, rosesaad.com. We can’t get hope on our own because it comes from God. God is the source of our hope. Hope is his secret pathway to him. But, he knew that it was going to be difficult for us to obtain it on our own, so he made Jesus as our forerunner, as explained in Hebrews 6:20. He stands on our behalf to help us see that what we hope for will indeed come to pass.

What about you? What are you “hoping for?” Are you going to the mediator? When we experience difficulties as we break free from abuse and other life challenges, we have to go to the middleman or mediator that God has designated for us to find hope. Hope will keep us focused as we seek help to change our situation.

Wait patiently for hope.

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” (Romans 8:25). When we wait patiently, we keep hope alive. But it is difficult to wait patiently. Since I like to be in control and hate to wait, I find myself consistently stuck in the patience phase.

I am still waiting to see my hope to be a motivator for women who are experiencing abuse come to reality. In other areas of my life, it seems that everything is moving at a snail’s pace as I attempt to sell my book; maintain my blog (not receiving feedback is very discouraging); find the mentorship and resources to achieve my goals as an advocate for survivors of domestic violence; and to create my non-profit. God knew this stalled state would happen; for that reason, he made provision to help us wait.

Hold on to God’s promises as you wait.

When we start doubting, when our confidence falters, and we stop hoping or praying, God’s Holy Spirit can intervene and come to our rescue. Romans 8:26 tells us that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weaknesses by taking over our prayers so that we can keep hope alive. But the tricky part is that “the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God” (Romans 8:27).

And here is where we get trapped. For what, precisely, is the will of God? Well, when we hope for things to happen, it can’t be contrary to God’s word. For example, we cannot hope for the death of the person who wronged us. (Some writers of Psalms did this, but I guess it was before Jesus’s example.) God’s hope is pure and not the self-seeking hope that man devises. Nor can we follow our abusers’ sinful behaviors and hope that it will stop the abuse. We cannot follow someone’s sinful behavior and believe that we are following God’s will.

There are tons of promises in the scriptures. For example, Romans 8:28, states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. God will work for the good in all that I do. It might not be according to my expectations of what I hoped for, but whatever he does, it will be good for me.

Remember, “it is impossible for God to lie” (Hebrews 6:18). When he says he is going to work for your good, believe it. Every difficult situation you experienced in life has molded you for this present state you are now in. There is always a positive component to your most difficult experience. It might be the recognition of your inner strength, your resiliency as an overcomer. Or, your challenges were a motivator to seek God with all your heart, mind, and strength.

And when you have left behind your abusive relationship or any hardship of your old life, remember the end of the verse that started the previous paragraph: “we… who take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged.” When you can see God working in your life, you are able to grasp the hope that he has already given you. Let this hope keep you going!

Faith is needed to keep hope alive.

To keep hope alive, faith is needed. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1). Faith means the confidence to assure yourself that the thing you’re hoping for, the thing you cannot yet see is real. Where there is faith, there is hope. Or rather, where there is hope, faith is pulling it along. Hope is always present, but it needs faith to validate its presence. Without faith, hope will cease to exist. Take a second to reflect on that thought.

We all struggle with our faith. We all might ask ourselves, Do I have enough faith? God is not asking us to have a HUGE amount of faith. Jesus states in Matthew 17:20, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Recently, I saw an example of what a little faith looks like. A friend was wearing a locket with a mustard seed in a tiny glass bottle. I was amazed to see how small the seed was. I had to stare at the bottle to find it. It looked like a grain of sand. Yes, this is the size of all the faith we need. (But of course, some people don’t even have that much faith- Matthew 8:28).

Use hope as an anchor for your soul.

To stay connected to hope, you have to use it to anchor your soul. As told in Hebrews 6:19, hope keeps you firm and secure. Just as when a ship is at anchor or tied to the dock, it will not be pulled away by the wind. Hope as your anchor will keep you secure when the storms of life come your way.

Today, I want to encourage you to follow God’s instructions on how to keep hope alive. When it seems like things are not working out as you had anticipated, he wants you to hold on to hope. When you are feeling that you can’t get away from your abusive relationship, or if you have left the relationship but the burdens of caring for yourself and your children are weighing you down, you still can’t lose hope. Hope is the fire that will sustain your soul and restore your belief that change will come.

Share this:

August 14, 2018 7 comments

Religion

Breaking Strongholds

written by Rose Saad

To move forward and heal from a domestic abuse relationship, or any painful life experience, we have to go back to the past to see how it affects our present. Self-reflection is required to start the healing process. This means looking back to see how these painful experiences have impaired our thinking. The hard work will be to change those thoughts that keep us from healing.

As Christians, we have the incomparable power of God’s word to help us change our perceptions of painful experiences. For this blog, my primary focus is the spiritual aspect of breaking free from the thoughts that keep us stuck. These behaviors and beliefs that stop us from changing are what the scriptures call “strongholds.” Our strongholds can control our lives and make us susceptible to dangerous situations, such as abusive relationships.

What are Strongholds?

In the spiritual sense, strongholds are the walls that Satan uses to hold us captive. These walls keep us from understanding how God can change us from the inside out and allow us to do his work.

Strongholds stop us from achieving the plans God has for us. It stalls our spiritual growth and maturity and prevents us from transforming into his new creation.

For most of us, our emotions and emotional reactions are where Satan manipulates us to build his stronghold. He exploits our anxieties, fears, mistrust, lack of confidence, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, envy, and many other emotions. These emotions might not be evident as we interact with others. We might not even be aware of how they hinder our ability to change. This ignorance allows Satan to fortify his walls, making it difficult to tear them down. As a result, we feel trapped.

Self-reflection is Required to Identify Strongholds

As I self-reflect, I am able to identify two significant strongholds within my Christian life. They are a lack of trust and a feeling of insignificance. When I became a Christian, I had difficulties surrendering to and trusting God. It didn’t mean that I didn’t believe him or his word. My lack of trust didn’t stop me from changing some of the behaviors that were contrary to his word—for example, gossiping or revenging when someone did me wrong. I tried to do the right things, yet I found it hard to let go of situations that were beyond my control.

The things that were beyond my control required trust in God. The way I dealt with them was to prepare for failure. When things didn’t work out as I expected, and since I had emotionally prepared myself to fail, it was easy to shrug it off and try something different. There was no residue of negative emotions such as bitterness. Instead, I felt a strong sense of motivation and the determination to try something new.

The feeling of insignificance, my second stronghold, has been a challenge to break. Piggybacking on this feeling is insecurity and lack of confidence. These emotional reactions influence my interactions with others. I am always analyzing other people’s responses to my presence. I allow them to define my self-respect. If they respond in a way I think is negative, I internalize those negative feelings. As a Christian, I am still working hard to break through that wall.

How to Break Strongholds

First, we have to become aware that God has given us the tools or weapons to destroy them. 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 states, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds” (NIV).

We must develop the conviction that God has provided the weapons to fight, and they have the spiritual power to break down any barriers set by ourselves and others.

On the other hand, to achieve victory with our weapons, we have to identify the target—which means we have to recognize our strongholds. Furthermore, to effectively demolish them, we have to find the root or foundations of those strongholds and bring them down with God’s weapons.

For me, finding the root took a lot of prayer and self-reflection. When I was nine years old, my mother developed complications during the labor and delivery of my brother. On the way to the hospital, I stopped in the middle of a path and knelt down and prayed to God to let my mother live. After praying, I felt God’s presence. I thought that he had heard my prayer and would answer it. I walked the rest of the way imagining all the fun things my mother and I would do together after her discharge from the hospital.

After a brief visit with her, I skipped back home. A couple of hours later, while playing next door, I heard loud cries coming from my house but ignored them. I said to myself, “Why are they crying? My mother is OK.” I went home later and found out that my mother had died. What a shock! I did not cry. Instead, I felt a sense of anger and disappointment towards God.

This anger and disappointment towards God became the foundation of my lack of trust. I didn’t consciously tell others or say to myself, “I don’t trust God,” but that lack of confidence was embedded deeply in my heart and evident in my actions. For example, in all of my plans, there were always alternatives in case plan A didn’t work out.

The root cause of my feeling of insignificance also started during early childhood. I was told that my father didn’t want a child. When I was a preemie lying in an incubator, my father took one look and said, “That thing will not survive.” He later married and did not reveal to his wife that he already had a daughter. Not having a relationship with his new family made me feel as if I didn’t exist. And that led to the feeling of insignificance.

This feeling of insignificance was transferred to my adult and married life and has had an enormous impact on my self-image. For example, in my abusive marriage, one of the tactics used by my husband was to walk into the room, and when I said “Hi,” past me and walk by as if I wasn’t present. This behavior triggered the same feeling of insignificance conveyed by my father.

Apply God’s Truth

After finding the roots of the stronghold, we demolish those roots by attacking them with God’s truth. John 8:32 states, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Replace the lies with the truth.

As I return to those childhood experiences, the reality is that God was there, and he took care of me and protected me. He was there when bad things happened and when I didn’t understand the reason for those unfortunate events.

In Isaiah 46:3–4, the writer states that God was there since you were born. He “upheld you” and “carried you.” And he promises to carry you even when your hair becomes gray. He will “sustain” you and “rescue” you.

Psalm 139:13–15 states, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous–how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb” (NLT).

As I applied these truths to my life, it awakened the realization that God was present during the painful events of my life, and he used them to lead me to reach out to him. The truth is, he allowed me to survive as a preemie in an environment that had no sophisticated technology to support a premature birth. And he protected me from harm even when I didn’t have a mother or father. When I can visualize God protecting me, it strengthens my faith. My lack of faith leads to lack of trust. But when my faith is increased, I am able to break my strongholds.

For my insignificance stronghold, many scriptures talk about our worth. For example, Matthew 10:29–31: “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (NIV).

Ephesians 2:10: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (NLT).

James 1:18: “He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession” (NLT).

Exodus 9:16: “But I have spared you for a purpose—to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth” (NLT).

These scriptures tell the truth about God’s view of me. I am part of God’s masterpiece. My piece may be a small part, but it has a place in his magnificent work of art. Without me the picture is incomplete. When completed, it radiates his glory. Yes, I am important!

Yes, Forgive

After applying God’s truths, we also have to forgive and let go of all the emotions that keep us chained within the strongholds. The facts of the event that started the hold on us will also help us to forgive.

For example, I had to go back and view the events of my early life and apply the truth. My father and mother were very young when they met. He just wanted to have fun, and not interested in any kind of serious relationship. And he definitely did not want a child. In his culture marriages were arranged by the family. Marrying a black woman could have led his family to disown him. I used those truths to find compassion for my father and forgive him. When I did that, I was able to break the walls and set free the emotions that held me captive. This process took time.

Build New Walls

After breaking the walls and foundation, we have to build new walls using God’s tools to stop Satan from having an opportunity to rebuild.

Matthew 12:43-45 states, “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first” (NIV).

We have to protect ourselves. We can’t afford to keep an empty space or else we become easy targets for Satan. Some of the tools we can use to build our new walls are found in Galatians 5:22: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and self-control. We can grow strong walls when we are filled with the fruits of the spirit.

Change the Way You Think

To stop Satan from attacking our new home, we also need to change the way we think. Our thoughts trigger our emotions; therefore, we have to change the way we think. We can change the way we think by first accepting the truth of Proverbs 4:23, which states, “Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts” (GNT).

Do not let every thought run freely in your mind. Choose carefully what you want to think about. 2 Corinthians 10:5 states, “…we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ” (NIV).

We make our thoughts obedient to Christ by thinking about what Paul listed in Philippians 4:8–9. He wants you to “fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (NLT). He wants us to imitate him. When we do, we will receive God’s peace. With God’s peace Satan will have no power to break our walls down.

Check out these blogs for changing negative thoughts and what to avoid. Remember, as Christians, we are instructed by Paul on how to replace our negative thoughts.

Regardless of our past experiences, such as abuse, God’s word has the power to help us break any hold caused by those experiences. But we will have to do the hard work to change our thoughts. When we are obedient to thinking like Christ, we have the power to break our strongholds and demolish Satan’s ability to keep us captive.

Image: Jon Shireman

Share this:

July 13, 2018 6 comments

Domestic Abuse Featured Love Religion

A Cry for Help: A Domestic Violence Workshop

written by Rose Saad

A Cry for Help is a domestic violence workshop scheduled for September 15, 2018. In researching how to host a successful event, I came across an Eventbrite marketing strategy timeline template. They recommend that you write a post stating the purpose of your event before the registration process. In other words, the why behind your actions is essential to convincing people to attend.

Why do I want to host a domestic violence workshop? In my last blog A Call for Action, I addressed some of the reasons for my actions. I want to educate others about domestic violence. My burning passion is to be an advocate, a voice within the church and the community for the victims and survivors of abuse. With that voice, I can empower other survivors to speak out – because collectively, we can make a difference.

For this workshop, there are two types of people that I would like to speak to. The first is any woman who is a survivor of domestic violence. Let me emphasize here that men are victims too and can certainly benefit from the workshop, but the primary focus is on the woman for the simple reason that most domestic violence victims are female. My second audience is the community in which the woman interacts. This means anyone who wants to know more about domestic violence and how to help.

As a survivor and a Christian, my faith was central in helping me to understand the effects of the violence on my physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being. It also allowed me to realize that violence was not God’s will for my life. I want women of faith who have experienced abuse to develop a conviction that the Scriptures have the power to educate and transform their lives regardless of the pain they have endured. Jesus states in Matthew 22:29, “You are in error because you do not know the power of the Scriptures or the power of God.”

We cannot underestimate the power of God. He can change every situation according to his will. Many abused women may have felt rejection from their members of faith when they came forward to expose the abuse. They were judged by others and blamed for what was occurring in the relationship. And some had to leave the church community due to lack of support. Regardless of those experiences, God is supreme, and he has the power to change the course of their lives.

I also want survivors to recognize the power of education. Education is essential to understanding the dynamics of abuse and its impact on one’s physical, emotional, and spiritual self. This knowledge will influence the type of help that is needed and show one how to tap into the resources to change his or her situation.

The second purpose of the workshop is to educate the community, most specifically the church. This need for education was recently reaffirmed by two courageous women who are members of the Mennonite church. When they broke the silence, they were blamed, misjudged, and shunned by others within their church family. In essence, they experienced rejection from their community. When I asked one of the women why she stayed, she answered, “If I leave, how will I make a difference?” Her response struck a chord within me and reignited my desire to overcome my fears not to give up. Regardless of their experiences, these women were willing to stay for the overall good and bear the emotional pain that comes with rejection.

I love my church family and I am fortunate to have an excellent group of people who loved my children and me and still do today. They are also instrumental in my success as a parent and are responsible for the maturation of my faith. However, as with most churches, there is still denial that abuse is occurring within the congregation. I pray that I, like my courageous friends, will have the voice to make a difference.

“Why are most churches in denial?” I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have come to believe that addressing abuse is like opening Pandora’s box. When the evil is exposed it will become too obvious to ignore and the church will have the moral duty to respond.

I am sure that there are many plausible-sounding reasons for not breaking the silence within the church environment. One possible reason may be the inability to identify abuse in relationships where there is no physical evidence of violence. The dismissive claim that abuse is a relational problem rather than a power and control issue shows the need for education. Education is required to distinguish abusive behaviors from normal relationship problems and to apply the appropriate interventions.

Other reasons could be the possibility of personal danger or legal implications when trying to help. We have all heard stories about people who lost their lives by trying to help. And yet there is some risk attached to anything we do in life. Shouldn’t we take the chance if it means saving someone?

A Cry for Help will educate those who are willing to remove some of the barriers to helping victims of abuse. We will define what domestic violence means, show how to create an environment for breaking the silence, and offer resources to make referrals to the community. We will discuss how we can give help, whether as laypersons or as individuals with no leadership function within the church. Lastly, we will help you understand what your legal role is and what you are not required to do.

The speakers are highly trained in their specialties, in addition to being survivors of domestic abuse as well as advocates who are actively involved in educating the church and the community on how to help.

Look out for the registration information on A Path to Hope, or check out my website rosesaad.com. I hope you will join me on September 15, 2018. Together we can make a difference!

Share this:

April 21, 2018 0 comment

Newer Posts

Older Posts